The World Is Unfair To Left-Handed People

In this right-eous world, we lefties can’t help feeling left out. And with good reason. All the inventions in history have shown a bias towards us. I’m not complaining because I have learnt to work around things, but it’s just that it amuses me to no extent. Here are 17 inventions that make me feel that the world hates lefties:

1. Watches

The analog watch was probably made for Prabhu Deva. Who else would be able to twist their left hand effortlessly at weird angles to adjust the time while wearing a watch on their right? Also, not everyone can afford an Apple Watch you know.

2. Turnstiles

There have been times when I’ve missed the metro by a couple of seconds just because I took that much longer at the turnstile shifting my card from the left hand to the right. Someday I might just end up paying someone else’s fare by placing my card on the turnstile to my left.

3. Guitars

Unfortunately, reversing the strings on a right-handed guitar is not sufficient since the entire instrument must have all its parts reversed to produce an acceptable tone. Recommended only if you are Jimi Hendrix.

4. Measuring tapes

You thought measuring accurately with a measuring tape was difficult? Wait till you have to do it upside-down.

5. Desks

This is partiality of WTF proportions! How do you expect all the students in a class to be right-handed? If you’re a leftie, you either have to sit on the edge of the chair side-saddle, facing to the right or would have to use two desks, one to sit on and the other to write on. If Einstein were alive and were to join college, he’d so not be impressed.

Note: Einstein was a leftie.

6. Spiral notebooks/binders

Another dampener targeted predominantly at the student community. These spiral notebooks are awesome, but the sad part is that most of us lefties end up with spiral impressions on our left hands. For the record, I can still manage to pull off some stunning calligraphy without complaining.

7. Guns

They say that you need to have a strong shoulder to fire a sten gun. For lefties though, you also need to have a burn-proof face (to take on the hot brass casings of the bullets).

8. Ballpoint pens

A little bit of science is involved here to understand the partiality. As a leftie, I push the pen (ball of the pen) instead of pulling it and so the ink never flows as well as it would for a rightie. Result: The same ballpoint pen jams more for me than for a rightie. Highly unfair!

9. Scissors

While doing something as simple as cutting a piece of paper, why do I have to use the weaker hand? I’m left with no option than to stick my left hand into a pair of right-handed scissors and use it upside-down so that the tiny thumb slot is on the bottom and the big finger slot fits my thumb. Why this step-motherly treatment towards me?

10. PlayStation Controllers

The next time you beat me in FIFA, you may want to tone down your celebration a bit because I’ve been using all the major controls like dribble, slide, shoot and tackle with my weaker hand (the right one). And for the record, I always put up a decent fight. Imagine if Tendulkar was asked to bat with his left hand? Or wait. Bad example. Gods can play even with their feet.

11. Can openers

I’m okay with the whole ‘righties-have-it-easy’ concept as long as it has nothing to do with food. Making me work extra hard to get to my favourite tuna fish is JUST NOT FAIR! I have to either use the can opener upside-down and push it the wrong way or use it the proper way with my left hand and not see what I’m doing at all.

12. Keyboards

For some reason, whoever invented the keyboard thought that all bankers would be right-handed. How else can you explain the placement of the numeric keypad on the right side of the keyboard? Thank God I’m not a banker.

13. Jeans zippers

I’ve learnt to live with this one. It isn’t that difficult. But the worst part is not knowing how to react to the stares I get in the men’s washroom when I zip up right after taking a leak.

14. Left hand drive cars

The only important thing on the left is the steering. Everything else is placed on the right. The ignition, the radio, the stick shift, the blinkers, the precious cup holders. It would be a shame to die in an accident because you were too busy changing the radio station with your weaker right hand.

15. Kindles

I’m a leftie so I hold my Kindle with my left hand. But to flip a page I have to extend my finger upto the right hand part of the screen. This is because the new touchscreen ones have got rid of the page-turn buttons on either side. Awkward!

16. Circular saws

It’s virtually impossible to use a circular saw left-handed. The fun part is that the sawdust usually blasts out of an exit on the right side of the saw, safely out of the way for a right-hander, but all over a left-hander like me.

17. White board markers

Unless you’re an Urdu professor, writing with the left hand on a white board with a marker can be a pain. This is because there are just two possibilities. You either automatically keep erasing what you wrote or you end up with a hand smudged with ink. Both not good.

The next time you meet a leftie, be nice. Because we’ve been facing a lifelong hardship you know absolutely nothing about.