Once the situation has calmed down, continue the conversation in a manner that will not cause things to heat up again. Asking the other person “What would you me to do?” gives them room to express themselves and feel validated. This, in turn, provides you with the advantage of knowing what the other person wants from you, and allows you to lead the conversation from there.
Step #5: Don’t Tell Someone, Ask Them
In a conflict, trying to explain something to the other party can often be misconstrued as “fighting back”, instead of informing the other person what your reasoning was. In some cases, if the other person realizes that, through your explanation, they were wrong, it can make them even more defensive. Instead of saying “I did something because of…”, ask them “Why do you think I did something?”
Step #6: Start Sentences with “I’d …” instead of “You Are…”
Once you and the other person managed to resume a rational discussion, the worst thing you can do is make them feel you’re accusing them of something. Construct your statements to focus on yourself, rather than on them, and how you can contribute to resolving the problem. This way, the both of you are working on a resolution, rather than on who started it.
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